Lard

I don’t know but I just needed to get this out. I know it is a diversion from my therapy that all of you guys are helping me through, but this just annoys me.

I come from a family that always took its food seriously. We all cook mostly from scratch. And don’t ask me why, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to invite a bunch of people over to celebrate Thanksgiving.

It is the anniversary of the day that my life took a new turn. Thanksgiving 2011 was the day that my then husband had returned from his extended “business trip” to share the holiday with the family.  He was all sweet and charming to everyone and even made a huge elaborate drunken thank you speech about his amazing wife  (me) and how he would not be where he was if it were not for me. Later after everyone left, I got the real news.

So now I have invited way too many people, none who can cook to share this holiday. Hopefully there is safety in numbers. Last year was a disaster because I just broke down in tears crying. It was just my son and one of his friends.

I make pies from scratch. I like to use lard. Most years I have gotten it mailed to me from a farm in Pennsylvania (I live in California!). This year I did not get anything like that together. So I went out here in my health conscious environment to look for some lard to make some incredibly flaky pie crusts.

I live in the land of chicken sausage and turkey bacon. So when I asked for lard, I got a confused look as to what was I talking about. Then when they finally understood what I was requesting, you should see the looks of disgust that I have gotten. I finally got irritated and looked at the butcher and said that it was way easier to buy heroin in this town than it is to buy lard. And it is more socially acceptable.

I know about the heroin transactions because I used to park outside a McDonlad’s so I could piggy back on the wifi location. It was scary the transactions that I witnessed in that parking lot. This is not a slum area and it was less than a block from that Whole Foods where I got the disgusted look from the butcher.

So I know there are clinical studies etc. to say otherwise, but my mother (the Narc I write about) is 96, still drives and looks like she is maybe 75 years old. She grew up on pork fat. She told me stories about how before refrigeration, pickled meat was stored in the cool areas of the basement in crocks of lard. Meat was just scooped out of there and fried up with some veggies and potatoes.

And pie crusts were always made of lard.

I am a big fan of Dr. Mercola. He says that there are 3 types of people who live on this planet. The first group should only eat chicken and fish, little fat and endless carbs. The second group is the most common group who should eat a Mediterranean diet which is equal portions of everything. Then there is the third group and they should be eating lots of rich fat, meat, veggies and little to no carbs. I think I am somewhere in between  group 2 and 3.

I really do not adhere to this, but it gave me permission to take the plunge and eat fat. Now I eat less, I am satisfied and I never have hunger pangs or cravings. I even lost a little weight, but nothing to speak of.

I know that a lot of you may not agree with me, but it does work for me. I read this on the HuffPo.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/28/cooking-with-lard-baking_n_5212804.html

Look at the comments. Hostility.

Everybody loves to talk about how they think diversity is important. What about diversity of thought and eating habits? Do we have to wait until someone we love to get on TV and give us permission?

I have been eating coconut oil for more than 20 years. I have always loved and craved it from the time that I spent living in SE Asia.  I could only buy it at a certain health food store for years. Same looks of disgust when I would ask for that. Now everybody can’t eat enough of the stuff.

Anybody still eat margarine?

Cigarette smoking is another one. I love when people feign coughing when someone dares to smoke within 20 feet of them and then they go smoke their vape pen. Smelling that gives me a headache.

I really don’t smoke, I had one cigarette last year, but I do not think that someone “is less than” because they smoke cigarettes. And why is it ok to shame cigarette smokers and be ok with people that smoke pot all of the time?

I still have an ashtray in my house, I am not sure if you can even buy them anymore in this state. But I keep it for those that drop by and want to imbibe.  I do still make them go outside, but I live in Southern California. It is never that cold.

The Narcissists We All Love

Reading  about all these allegations about Bill Cosby has gotten me thinking about how we can choose to ignore  another one’s “shortcomings” if the rest of the person is appealing to us.

Who did not like Dr. Huxtable? On TV he portrayed such a great dad and husband. Sometimes we confuse the public persona as the real person. It is so easy to believe what we want to see. I understand that these stories are only allegations of rape, but for me there are too many.

And these stories about the drug that these women were given hits too close to home. The same thing happened to me back in the 1970’s. I know most of the doubters say why did it take so long for them to come forward? And why did they not tell anyone or do anything?

I can only tell you of my own personal experience.

First of all it started out pretty innocent. A friend and I were invited to visit the quarters of Captain of the ship that we were traveling on. We were offered a cocktail and that is the last thing I remembered. When I woke up in the early hours of the morning, I was laying on the couch. I just got up and went back to my cabin and I went to sleep with my clothes on too tired to change. My friend that I had gone to the Captains quarters with was already there asleep in her bed. I was still too out of it to think anything had happened. I somehow was not thinking about anything but lying down.

When I woke up, my friend had asked me what had happened the night before.  I told her I did not remember anything but I woke up on the couch in the Captains quarters. She told me that while sitting there talking to the Captain that she was feeling strange and just got up and left. A steward found her wandering the deck and escorted her back to our cabin.

When I got up to go to the bathroom that morning, I noticed that the crotch of my baggy silk pants that I was wearing was completely torn. It was like it had been ripped open on the seams. That was the only indication that I knew something had happened. It still haunts me today.

We disembarked the ship that afternoon. And outside of my friend knowing about what may have happened, I have never really talked about it. I only admitted it to one other person. The reason I told that person was because he was doubting a story that his girlfriend had told him about a similar experience of being drugged.

It really does happen and so many of us just try to move on. It is almost like we justify ignoring it because we barely remember or like me don’t remember it all.

Some may say, why did we go to his quarters?  Everyone did, he entertained a lot of the passengers in his quarters. He was not some slimy character. He looked like someone’s dad.

Narcissists hide amongst us all and I believe that it is so hard to tell. I believe we can be some of their biggest fans, unbeknownst to us.

I feel that so many of our politicians get away with so much, especially, if he is one of your guys. It is so easy to overlook one’s shortcomings when the narcissist is on your side fighting your fight.

Think about our sport heroes and everyone else in the entertainment industry.

One of the persons that shocked me the most was Steve Jobs. Who is more loved and revered than him? My favorite is his 2005 Commencement Speech at Stanford. “Stay hungry, stay foolish.” You got to love it.

I was so shocked when I read some of the excerpts from the expose from Chrisann Brennan, the mother of his first child. It took him decades before he would even acknowledge his daughter. While making millions and maybe billions, he kept his daughter and her mom on welfare, not even keeping up with support. Even after a paternity test proved he was the father, he dismissed it and said that 28% of the population could be the father (this was in the olden days before accurate DNA tests).

Yes he was a visionary and contributed a lot. But do we overlook this trait? Do we let it slide? His daughter eventually did.

It is amazing how a whole lot of money, power, good looks, charisma etc. can help us overlook those pesky little misdeeds. The excuses that they make somehow are much more acceptable than the ones the others make that have none of those characteristics.

We humans are so multidimensional. We all carry some good and some bad. But some of us can hide our darkness so well or obscure it in plain sight.

The best Narcissists are those that can generate a group of admirers.  As an observer, those are the ones we are easiest fooled by, especially if that persona is reinforced by the media or even a large group. Those people can even help the Narcissist to evoke our sympathy and support.  They even have the power to convince us that it is the victims who are at fault with their diabolical intentions.

The constant reinforcement of the media or the group helps us to keep seeing what we want to see. It helps us to maintain that narrative that we love and desire to perpetuate about them.  We like to protect those Narcissists that we all love.